Twelve Men
Made Choices

Three-peat. Say it out loud. The commissioner walked into his own draft, took the running back this exact room took with the very first pick twelve months ago, and got him at twenty-one — because Jeanty ran behind an offensive line that couldn't block a revolving door and everyone decided that was his fault. Carnell Tate in the sixth and Brian Thomas Jr. in the seventh are the same move again: buy the guy the room just quit on. The one thing standing between Abe and a fourth ring is a thirty-year-old who touched the ball 413 times last season and spent two weeks of August "managing workload," which is front-office for please stop asking.

The best roster in this league was built by a man who was not in the room. Ficker took the reigning Offensive Player of the Year right where the rankings said he belonged, grabbed Walker one round after a move to Kansas City upgraded everything around him, then stacked McMillan and Tyler Warren on top. There is not a single soft spot in this starting lineup. Which brings us to the problem: Hankla has made seven waiver claims in four years and zero — zero — in all of 2025. Ficker built a Ferrari and handed the keys to a man who does not believe in gasoline.

The only man in this league who kept getting players later than they should have gone. Everybody else paid up somewhere. Nathan just… didn't. Josh Jacobs in the fifth round was the single biggest steal of the night — about twenty-five picks later than the rankings said he had any business lasting. Here is the cruel part: Eberhardt has scored more points than anyone in this league since 2022 and has finishes of 2nd, 4th, 7th and 9th to show for it. That is the fantasy football equivalent of leading the league in passing yards on a 6-11 team.

Taking Jefferson eleventh overall is a bet that Kyler Murray can still throw a football, which — and we say this with enormous affection — is a bet. If it hits, it is the pick of the draft, because Jefferson finished as only the 21st-best receiver last year on quarterback play so bad it should be studied. Six running backs is the deepest room anybody built. And then there is the quarterback plan: one Matthew Stafford, taken in the ninth, age thirty-eight, with absolutely nothing behind him. Bodner has won this league before. He has never once explained himself.

Thirteen and one. Two thousand and eleven points, most in the league by a mile. Eliminated in the semifinals. Jason came back this year drafting like a man with a grudge and a spreadsheet: Taylor led the NFL with eighteen rushing touchdowns, Barkley is still the clear lead back in Philadelphia, and Jadarian Price in the sixth is the best late pick anybody made — Seattle's job opened the moment Charbonnet tore his ACL and Walker left town. Then he spent a tenth-rounder on Dalton Schultz, the largest single reach of the entire draft, and we regret to inform you it is his only tight end.

Nobody in this league drafted better between rounds four and nine. Jeremiyah Love, Quinshon Judkins and Kenny Gainwell are three of the ten biggest bargains of the night, and Love just went third overall in the actual NFL draft — the highest a running back has gone since Barkley. Taking Mahomes in the thirteenth behind Hurts is the sort of quiet, deeply unsexy insurance that wins leagues and gets absolutely zero recognition in the group chat. The tight end is George Kittle, who ruptured his Achilles in January and says there is "a chance" he plays Week 1. A chance.

Gibbs with the first pick of the draft: correct. McBride with the very next pick: also correct. Everything after that: an adventure. Quentin Johnston in the sixth round is a decision that will be litigated in this group chat for months, and the quarterback plan is Bo Nix in the eighth. Look — 116 waiver moves in four years is an enormous amount of activity for a 24-32 record. At some point the roster isn't the problem. The problem is the guy holding the remote.

Chase second overall, fine, anyone would. But DeVonta Smith in the third means Ben actually read the news — Smith became Philadelphia's undisputed number one the second A.J. Brown boarded a plane to New England. Kyler Murray in the thirteenth is the best late-round quarterback pickup anybody made. The concern is Derrick Henry turning thirty-two behind a rebuilt line, with Harbaugh fired and a brand-new coordinator, and Skattebo in the fourth, whose Week 1 status nobody in America can confirm. Two straight eleventh-place finishes say the homework hasn't shown up on the test yet.

Nacua and A.J. Brown at the top is an enormous ceiling, right up until you read the injury report and the legal docket. Nacua led the NFL in receptions and is currently nursing a hip-muscle injury with an unresolved league investigation hanging over him; Brown is learning an entirely new offense in New England. Tuten in the sixth was genuinely sharp — Etienne left for New Orleans and that job is wide open. If the top two hold, Logan wins this thing. If they don't, we'll see him in the consolation bracket by Thanksgiving.

Ted lost the final by one game and came back determined to pay full retail for everything in the store. He reached harder and more often than anybody in this league. Caleb Williams in the fifth, sixty-two picks earlier than the rankings said he needed to be. Tucker Kraft in the sixth, sixty-three picks early. Cook led the NFL in rushing yards and Hampton gets a real receiving bump from a new coordinator, so the top of this roster is genuinely fine. Somebody please just get this man a rankings sheet.

Bijan third overall was perfect — All-Pro, extension signed, Allgeier gone, nothing to argue about. And then Joseph assembled what our medical staff is describing as a situation. Nabers: two knee surgeries into an ACL recovery, still practicing in the red no-contact jersey teams put injured players in as of late August. Rashee Rice: May knee surgery, plus thirty days in jail. Charbonnet: torn ACL, unlikely for Week 1. That is three of his first eleven picks with genuine Week 1 doubt — from the GM who finished dead last and averages four waiver claims a year. He has neither the cushion nor the habit to dig out of this.

Three running backs. Three. Two of them start every week, which leaves precisely no margin — one injury or an awkward bye and he is starting whoever cleared waivers on Tuesday. He also spent three picks on tight ends. The flex spot means he can start two of them, so it is not unusable, but that third one is a pick that belonged in the running back room. Chase Brown was a reach of about nine picks on a back most rankings had ninth at his position, so the very first decision of his evening cost him. Breece Hall, McConkey and Jayden Daniels make a genuinely nice middle. There is just nothing behind any of it.